The Bible gives us a couple of reasons for divorce, but it's apparent that God would prefer we not use those excuses to end our marriages.
I've heard people give excuses for having affairs. I'm not sure how one justifies an affair. The excuses I've heard would explain leaving, but not an affair. You really can't justify an affair. It's the betrayed spouse who has grounds for the divorce, though, once an affair has occurred.
I've heard people say they've fallen out of love. But love is an action, not simply a feeling. And marriage is about commitment, not love.
I've heard folks say they are unhappy in the marriage. But God didn't make marriage, nor life in general, to make us happy. All of this is to make us holy, and to bring us closer to Him. Our happiness is a byproduct of blessings, not the reason for them.
I've heard people excuse divorce for abuse. I can't really argue with this one, even if I can't find Biblical grounds. I don't believe anyone should have to tolerate abusive behavior. But the abuse has to be real. Calling uncomfortable behavior "abuse" as an excuse to end a marriage is dishonest.
I've known people who have divorced over adultery or abandonment without trying to mend the marriage or even to look at their own role in the breakdown of the marriage. These folks have Biblical grounds, but will God approve of their quick action to divorce without attempting to repair His holy institution of marriage?
I've also known people who have experienced abuse, abandonment, infidelity, loss of connection, or unhappiness in their marriages, but stuck it out. I've seen God bless these marriages. Especially when the couple has sought help rather than trying to run from their vows.
I know people who have run from one marriage only to experience similar problems in their next. These folks have an obligation to their current marriages and should attempt to make repairs rather than running again.
This is a heart issue. People will read this and decide I'm judging them. I'm not. I believe this is a judgement of God. He is the one who wants us to be more responsible in our marriage commitments. I'm not saying to never divorce. That decision is between the couple and God. I'm just saying we should stop listening to the World and listen to Him instead. God hates divorce. He understands that wrestling with a broken heart is hard work. But He will provide the strength to follow His will if we submit to that will.
God bless.
Hard to debate good advice Rich...Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI was hoping someone would take an opposing viewpoint based on personal experience.
ReplyDeleteDon't think you are going to find too many volunteers to take the "opposing viewpoint". What would we say? "Marriage isn't a life time commitment, I just stay until I'm bored, and then I move on"?
ReplyDeleteThere are people who believe that...
ReplyDeleteI believe most people go into a marriage with the idea that it's for life. But we as a society have made divorce a viable option when it used to be a last resort. We have romanticized "love" to the point that people consider it the only reason to be married, and a valid reason to move to the next relationship.
This is a hard subject to discuss. There are people in my life whom I love and care about very much who have divorced and remarried without Biblical cause, had extramarital affairs, walked out on their families, been cruel to their spouses, etc. etc...
I'm not judging them. What's in the past is in the past. I want to discuss this topic as we look to the future. As married couples, we need to look at what we have right now. Judge our own actions and motives right now. Call on God to guide, strengthen, and bless us right now.
It's not our past that matters. It's what we choose for our future. Who we choose to be.
You make some good points Rich. But one thing about the past, you need to understand where you went wrong, so that you don't keep repeating it. Once you have done that, I agree, you need to stay in the present.....someone gave me that good advice once. Stay in the present.
ReplyDeleteExcellent advice. We should all accept and learn from our mistakes. That's how we acquire wisdom. But we have to remember to accept the mistakes without shame or guilt. Shame is rarely of benefit, and guilt is only beneficial when it helps us to change our behavior. Once we have changed our behavior and made amends where possible, we should shed the guilt and accept the wisdom.
DeleteHard to do..